How it came together

April 21, 2021: I told Carmen (my massage therapist) of my intention to walk a pilgrimage route, likely Oslo to Trondheim to begin my sabbatical. I had also been looking at ones in the U.K. but Covid-19 is in charge at the moment, and with its guidance, a walk in Norway was the easiest option. Carmen told me she had a client who had done a pilgrimage route from Sweden to Norway.

April 22: I received a text from Chin-Yu explaining that she had heard from Carmen. Within a minute of Chin-Yu’s text, Carmen also sent me a text to let me know she’d contacted Chin-Yu. Chin-Yu is a woman of action.

Sat. April 24: I first chatted with Chin-Yu on the phone. Great vibe! That morning on my walk, I had been visualising and feeling sensations that arise when I am living in collaboration with the Universe; these sensations include ease and joy and wonder with the abundant synchronicities that arise.

April 25: 8.5 km. I decided to up my walk distance by 1-2km each weekend for one longer walk per week. I’ve been walking 10,000steps/day since April 2020 (with a few exceptions) which averages 6.5-7 km/day.

May 1: 10km. I met with Chin-Yu in person for the first time to discuss ideas and check out our compatibility. We walked from the pilgrim’s cafe at Nidarosdomen to lower Leirfossen. Super great vibe again. She is easy and inspiring to be with. Great discussions.

May 9: 11.5 km

May 15: 14.5km

May 21: Chin-Yu told me she had bought train tickets to Oslo for June 27

May 22: 18.5 km

May 23: Chin-Yu writes to say all the accommodations are booked

May 25: my Facebook post:

Chin-Yu has organised and booked all our places. I need to sit with her to understand and get to know the plan. I’m sitting back and letting her take all responsibility and I recognise that I may be a bit lost if I need to suddenly take over. We agreed we’d meet after reports are in. The resources are available (map online and Airb&b) and I could do this organising, but I’m so very, very grateful that she has offered. Especially now, in these Corona times, I am grateful to know the places have been reserved, though systems could change and all travel, even within the country, be halted due to the pandemic.

While I’m feeling fear about the physical challenges of weather, my body, and now sleep, I aim to focus on simplicity, on the idea that I have no responsibility for anyone but me (and some for Chin-Yu…maybe we need to have this discussion), and for getting from point a to point b each day and for remembering what is my business, what is other’s business and what is God’s business.

May 29: My body is exhausted. I’m resisting. I didn’t sleep well. Lots of saboteurs coming up in my mind. Reports and assessments due. I don’t usually have problems with sleep but this past week I did. The night of the full moon, I hardly slept. I had no rest days this past week; one day at 8500 steps and the others all over 10,000. Body and mind are exhausted.

21 km walk with Chin-Yu today. My knees are stiff this evening. I noticed hot spots under my little toes on one foot when I got off the bus. I pushed my limits today. Feels good! But I need to be smarter with sun protection.

We have very enjoyable discussions. I told her about some of the dramas I’ve lived and I noticed a difference this time, like I’m different when I tell them. I felt a bit embarrassed as I heard the dramas as I spoke them. I have been attracted to conflict and drama. Near the end of the walk, I noticed traffic police giving tickets and I stopped and was magnetized by a story I made up about whether they were being fair, whereas Chin-Yu just kept walking, not investing her energy in what is not her responsibility. I invest a lot of my energy in things that are not my responsibility. I’m aiming to change this. I recognise that this is a programme I run, and I intend to rewrite it so that I may have greater peace and harmony in my daily life.

May 30: It’s a rest day today. I feel stiffness in my legs and fatigue in my body. While my knees are not quick to move, I can bend them. My face, especially my nose, is red. Sunscreen, Kim!

I stayed up too late (2am) watching Special on Netflix. I’m observing the patterns of codependency in the characters, the Karpman Drama Triangle of rescuer, persecutor, victim…my life at school. I’m tired today as a result, though I managed an extra 2 hours of unrestful sleep from 7am until 9am. I don’t sleep well lately so this was silly to plug in. My lack of proper sleep, my periods becoming more irregular and my bloating, growing belly bulge are all signs of hormonal shifts. Or signs of stress?

Mom shared a picture she found on the Net of Grampa flirting with his work colleague. It’s a cool old photo but it really pushed my integrity buttons. Gramma would have been home taking care of at least 3 kids while Grampa’s radio colleague had her legs draped over and hooked on him. Again, my drama magnet, which I caught as I ruminated about my projections on to the 2-D photo this morning. As Byron Katie says: my business, your business and God’s business. This is not my business.

I am marking papers and resting today. I’ll do a walk around for 4000-5000 steps to get the lactic acid moving through.

June 5: I have a new pair of shoes I’m trying. They are a waterproof version of the Keens I have used previously to walk in. They are a 1/2 size bigger than my current walking shoes, which I thought were a bit small because my toes hit the end on downhills. I’ve currently walked six km in these new ones and the left foot feels like it’s slipping in the heel, my lower right back is twinging and my left knee hurts. Is this my mind doing this?! They aren’t that comfortable either. But maybe I’m being critical. Not giving them a chance? I’m feeling hotspots on the outer ball of my left foot too. Shit! Keens have been so comfortable, haven’t they? Maybe they just need to be worn in? Should I also bring my runners? 

I didn’t do a long walk this weekend and don’t know if I’ll do one tomorrow. I’m tired.

I am concerned about my stomach issues and the skin on my face too. And the numbness in the back of my right leg and foot. Excuses! Okay, come on in and join the ride all you complaints! I have a doctor’s appt for stomach and skin and an appt with the Naprapath for my leg. I’ll pay attention and try to hear what is being communicated without allowing the issues to stop me.

June 6: Feeling the saboteurs! Waking up to them even. Yesterday, I woke up with a feeling that I had done something to sabotage an exciting work possibility with a person I met with the other day (the actual meeting was so AWESOME and so full of potential and expansiveness). Today, it was a student I can’t help, standing there in my field of attention when I woke up, “What about me?! How are you going to fix my problems?! If you don’t fix me, you know you’re a failure as a Teacher, right? Don’t you care about what happens to your students?” It’s as though these amazing opportunities that are manifesting (the meeting I had the other day, and this walk) are beyond my comfort zone for the joy and peace I seek and deserve and so, my mind is trying to bring me back down to its comfort zone of drama and struggle. Wild. I need to be especially mindful to remain present with this and to allow joy and ease to fill the spaces in my heart and mind and especially in my belly, which is so inflamed with pain and tightness at the moment. Joy belongs here. Ease belongs here. The tension and self pity are welcome to stay if they need, but they need to make far greater space for joy and calm. For peace. I deserve peace. I deserve calm. I deserve harmonious and inspiring cocreation.

I’ve decided I won’t do a big walk this weekend. Maybe during the week?

Later that night at 22:44. After a day of writing reports, I’m having a glass of wine and watching Netflix. WTF am I going to do without my daily glass of wine? Omg!

June 12: I’ve sent two pairs of walking shoes back now. Both are the waterproof version of my current walkers, the Keens. I like the Keens because I have a wide foot and narrow heel. I’m wondering if it’s my mind playing tricks on me. I’ve ordered them online, but maybe I need to go to an actual store and try some on.

I read recently that shoes should feel comfortable the minute you put them on. I wonder if that is a metaphor for life and relationships too. And work. My current shoes are a tad too small in the toe but the half size bigger is too loose on my heel. I felt myself thinking, “Maybe if I adjust, by wearing thicker socks or finding insoles. Maybe if I adjust, I’ll get used to the discomfort. Maybe if I adjust, I can sit with the discomfort a bit longer, develop blisters that will turn to calluses, then it will be okay.” Fuck that! Especially when I will rely on my feet for 32 days of the experience, I will not adapt to the shoes. The shoes are going to be comfortable from the start. I don’t need to adjust myself this time. This time, I can honour my needs, rather than adjust my needs. This is what I do…I adjust. I surrender or push aside my needs in order to be with others. Well, I don’t need to do this with a pair of shoes, do I?! The shoes won’t be hurt. The shoes won’t abandon me. Wow.

June 22: I found new shoes. I tried on about 10-15 pairs in the store and walked around in each pair for awhile. I took space for my needs. It took me at least an hour, but I have had the shoes for a week now and I love how they fit. Waterproof. Comfy. They are shoes, so I will wear gaiters on mucky or rainy days. 

Last week, on one of our last days of school, we went walking in the woods. I had a student ask how to know when a job is right or not. I told her it was amazing she was asking a question like that at 14, as I think I’m still figuring it out at 49. I told her and a small group of other young women about my shoes and how they didn’t fit, and how I kept thinking I could make them fit by adjusting my needs. But then how I finally decided that adjusting myself to the point of pain and suffering did not make sense anymore, and I went out and found some shoes that were comfortable right from the start

One of the students, now finishing Grade 8, and who was in the Grade 4 class I first taught at the school, asked me about my favourite animal. On the last day of school, she presented me with a hand painted watercolor of a howling wolf. The colours are gorgeous. Earthy. Tears came.

Fear keeps sneaking in. I acknowledge it and invite it to sit on the side but it is not taking the captain’s seat. Fear of…? Wanting to quit or give up? Not finishing? Discomfort?

June 26: We leave for Oslo tomorrow morning. I will meet Chin-Yu at 7:15 am and we will walk by km 0 on our way to the train.

I have packed. My full bag, without water, is 12.2 kgs. A bit heavier than I had envisioned, but doable at less than 20% of my current weight. I wonder if anyone will offer to drive our bags from stop to stop. Putting it out there for my angels and guides. Especially on the 27.5 km day, I would jump at the opportunity!

I have also packed my intention to walk lightly and to have FUN! Guides and angels have been called in. I am open to the clarity, magic, abundance and fun of the Universe! All my relations!